Hineni, Abba

Every once in a while an event takes place in a persons life that results in a change that can only be described as dramatic. There have been several such instances in my life, especially over the last few years, but the most recent one took place just a few days ago. A bunch of musicians and worship leaders from the HSI ministry had accompanied me to a worship conference conducted by Paul Wilbur. While much of the workshop was targeted at the musicians, just before the session concluded Wilbur came and gave a short talk on worship that had me spinning for the next 48 hours. What got me going was what he said about hineni, which in Hebrew means, "Here I am".


This was Abraham's response to God when God called out to him. “Here I am,” he replied (Genesis 22:1). But Abraham was doing more than state his location. He was saying: "Here I am, standing before you with deep humility. You have my full attention. All that I have is at your disposal. I am ready, willing and able to do whatever it is you ask me to. Here I am, Lord."

And in reply God asked him to sacrifice his son Isaac as a burnt offering.

Abraham didn't wilt. The very next morning he saddled his donkeys and along with Isaac and two servants he set out for the place God had told him about, ready to sacrifice his son who was born after years of waiting. And he would have done it too, had not the hand of the Lord stopped him.

"Here I am," he had said. "Hineni." And had meant it.

I had said "Hineni" to God soon after my conversion seven years ago and the result of that is the man you see today. But I knew he wanted me to say it again now, with the deeper understanding I had just been given of what the statement truly implied, and I shocked myself by finding myself unable to. I didn't want to say it because I was afraid of what I knew would follow.

I lay in bed last night, my body wracked in pain as muscles that hadn't been used in ages protested the vigorous exercise they had been given when I had gone swimming earlier in the day. Unable to sleep, I tossed and turned, struggling as much with the mental anguish of what God was asking me to do as the physical pain, until finally, I dropped to my knees by the side of my bed and said, "Hineni, Abba". A while later when I crawled back into bed, I wasn't too surprised that my pain had completely disappeared, and the sleep that followed was peaceful and restful. I believe Abraham slept easily that night God spoke to him too.

Hineni, Abba.